To the black sheep and the scapegoats. Please don’t see yourself as rejected when in actuality, you have broken free and set yourself apart from the unhealthy family dynamics. You, my friend, see through the mess and refuse to sweep the issues under the rug.
Being the scapegoat can feel like a no-win situation but you ARE the win. You are the lucky one, relatively speaking, because even though there has been a lot of struggle for you, you have learned how to set yourself apart. You have developed a strength that others see in you.
Just because you do things differently than your family, doesn’t make it wrong. Keep moving. Keep walking toward your happiness and continue loving yourself.
It’s normal for people chosen as “scapegoats” to struggle with depression, anxiety and anger, which of course reinforces the whole “black sheep” narrative but listen to me… you are not defective. You are not bad. You are not worthless.
You were not cast out… you were able to break free.
A good therapist can help you unravel all the complicated tangled ropes of your childhood and help you heal, teach you how to process the dysfunction and set boundaries.
It may feel like your identity has been set by others, but I promise you nothing is set unless you say it is. They don’t define you.
Keep standing up for what’s right.
You are unique and wonderful. You are strong and beautiful and independent. I am so sorry about what you’ve been through and everyone is not going to understand your pain but be proud what you’ve overcome, anyway.
We are no longer letting “black sheep” be a negative term. We are embracing it and all the strength that comes with it. At some point in history someone decided that a black sheep’s wool was considered unlucky because it can’t be dyed, but something that cannot be dyed to fit what someone else wants, is so special. Today, it’s considered rare and prized, just as we should consider ourselves.
It’s not a curse to be the one who changes the family tree. It’s an honor.
Peace. Love. Baa baa, bishes.
-M
Relatively Monica 