I’m so glad you’re here! I created this 12-page self-help guide with deep care and intention and I truly hope it helps bring you clarity, encouragement, and a sense of hope as you move forward. Whether you are taking your first small step or continuing on a long journey of healing and growth, I pray this guide serves you well. Download it freely, it’s yours to revisit anytime you need a reminder that you are not alone and that change is always possible. Scroll down and tap the download button. Feel free to print it out so you can write on it! Enjoy! Love, -M
You may know that I’m a single mom and saving money isn’t always as easy as I would like it to be. I heard about a 52 week challenge for saving cash and what better time to start than the first week of the new year! Here’s a PDF of the tracker I created so that I can be more intentional with saving money. I wanted to offer it to anyone who might like it!
Some people start with the largest amount for the first week of the year and go down to the least on week 52 and some do the opposite. However, I’m going to do how much I can each week and skip all around just depending on what’s left after bills and regular savings. I will use a highlighter to color in my little savings jar for each amount I am able to put back per week. By the end of the year I will have $1,378 saved for a vacation or whatever we decide to use it for!
This is in addition to an emergency fund, but you could also use this to build your emergency fund, as well! Things come up and situations change throughout the year, so it’s important to keep in mind that you shouldn’t be hard on yourself if you get behind. It’s all about the fun of trying something new and seeing how far you get! Click the download button below to get your tracker!
10 years ago today, as as a single mom, I packed a 4×8 U-haul pull behind with the kids belongings and what necessities I could fit, and we moved from Georgia to Colorado. No family or friends there, just the will to make a new life. I had enough money for the first month’s rent at a cheap apartment and only $800 in savings. Sink or swim. Fall or Fly.
I had no choice but to make it and all the determination to do just that. It would be the beginning of an amazing 6-year journey. Little did I know when we started that 19-hour drive how incredible this big adventure would be. My dad, being the sweet man he is, couldn’t bring himself to let me drive us out there alone, so he drove us in my 2001 Buick to Colorado Springs, helped me unload and flew home the next day. I won’t forget our time together on that trip as we sang loud with the windows down. We hugged before saying goodbye at the airport and as he walked away I took a teary-eyed deep breath, wondering at 27 years old, if I was prepared for this. When we left the airport in Denver, my phone died and I had no way to navigate us home, so I used the mountains to find the interstate and felt pretty proud of myself, and thought, “See, I can do this.” Haha
The welcome sign on our way into Colorado
The month after we moved, I got a job at an office where I would meet some really incredible and supportive friends who became like family to us in the coming years and I would continue to meet amazing people and those who would become my closest friends there, in Colorado Springs. We found a church we loved and I joined a mom group. The kids had all their extracurricular activities and we settled in, living the life that I imagined.
We explored some beautiful places. This was near Fort Collins.
The next year I started my photography business as a side job that would eventually become my full time job and that’s when I really discovered my passion for photography, people and nature and all the things Colorado had to offer. We went on adventures all the time, all around the state.
When we moved there, our first place was an apartment that resembled a converted hotel. I knew we weren’t staying there long, it was just a landing point. Shortly after moving there, authorities had to tape off an apartment in the next building because of anthrax, there was a murder upstairs, one apartment over and there was that time I accidentally walked in between a neighbor and the person he was pointing a gun at, in the courtyard. Yeah… we weren’t there long.
The kids and I started driving to a good part of town to do our shopping and we would take a detour to drive by a luxury apartment we loved and I kept saying “We are going to live there one day.”. I worked hard at our dreams and two moves and a couple of years later, we moved into that apartment building, just the kids and myself, and it was wonderful.
I woke up every morning and opened the curtains of my bedroom window to see Pike’s Peak and I would stand there for a few minutes taking it in and thanking God for the mountains He created and the life he gave us. Those mountains inspired me every day. We weren’t just surviving, we were thriving.
Mud run with friends.
Those 6 years didn’t come without struggles, of course. I would be hospitalized a couple of times with blood clots, would be diagnosed with lupus, would fight two custody battles (that turned out in my favor but still a terrifying experience) and both of my grandmothers passed away while I was living in Colorado and not able to be with them in Georgia. We were even evacuated from our home because of the fires. I met someone at church and we got married surrounded by friends and family but then divorced a couple of years later when he decided that he didn’t want to be married anymore when our son was 3 weeks old, but I was still surrounded by wonderful friends who brought food and checked in on us and surrounded us with love and support, which I will never forget. My son had kidney issues at 3 months old that he was hospitalized for, but through that experience, I met one of my dearest friends and her lovely family. Good things can come from the bad.
Garden Of The Gods was one of our favorite spots.
No matter where you live, there are going to be trials in your life. You can’t escape that. What you CAN do is keep moving forward. What you CAN do is find something to be thankful for during the hard times. What you CAN do is keep your goals in mind. We learn from all of it. The good, the bad and the scary. Your strength lives inside you wherever you are, even in times you don’t feel it.
When the fires came and we had to evacuate.
We moved back to my home town in Georgia a few years ago because it seemed like the right choice for us at the time. We missed our family and friends back home and we were nostalgic for the sweet little town I was raised in and kids knew. Life in the southeast is a little slower and I wanted that for the kids.
I get asked all the time if I miss Colorado. Without a doubt. I visit a couple of times a year to do sessions and to see old friends and just lose myself in the beauty of the mountains for a bit. I don’t just miss it because of the beautiful nature and wonderful people though, but because I learned so much about myself during our time there. I discovered who I really was, without all the internal noise and daily reminders of childhood trauma. I saw my own strength and developed the belief that I could do anything I put my mind to. I discovered who I wanted to be and what it meant to be truly inspired. Will I end up back there? Maybe one day, but for now I’m enjoying seeing the people closest to me here and my kids all have their lives here and that makes me happy where I am. Moving back helped force me to work through in therapy, what I was running from when I left Georgia and who knows if I would have done that had I not came back. I don’t know if anyone could wish to be in two places at once, more than I do, but I’m practicing being content and loving myself and my life where I’m at, in the present.
Trying my hand at ice skating when my sister came to visit.
If you are struggling with a decision to take a big leap in any aspect of your life, but it seems scary… this is your sign to do it. You’ll regret the chances you don’t take, but not the ones you went whole-heartedly into.
To the black sheep and the scapegoats. Please don’t see yourself as rejected when in actuality, you have broken free and set yourself apart from the unhealthy family dynamics. You, my friend, see through the mess and refuse to sweep the issues under the rug.
Being the scapegoat can feel like a no-win situation but you ARE the win. You are the lucky one, relatively speaking, because even though there has been a lot of struggle for you, you have learned how to set yourself apart. You have developed a strength that others see in you.
Just because you do things differently than your family, doesn’t make it wrong. Keep moving. Keep walking toward your happiness and continue loving yourself.
It’s normal for people chosen as “scapegoats” to struggle with depression, anxiety and anger, which of course reinforces the whole “black sheep” narrative but listen to me… you are not defective. You are not bad. You are not worthless.
You were not cast out… you were able to break free.
A good therapist can help you unravel all the complicated tangled ropes of your childhood and help you heal, teach you how to process the dysfunction and set boundaries.
It may feel like your identity has been set by others, but I promise you nothing is set unless you say it is. They don’t define you.
Keep standing up for what’s right.
You are unique and wonderful. You are strong and beautiful and independent. I am so sorry about what you’ve been through and everyone is not going to understand your pain but be proud what you’ve overcome, anyway.
We are no longer letting “black sheep” be a negative term. We are embracing it and all the strength that comes with it. At some point in history someone decided that a black sheep’s wool was considered unlucky because it can’t be dyed, but something that cannot be dyed to fit what someone else wants, is so special. Today, it’s considered rare and prized, just as we should consider ourselves.
It’s not a curse to be the one who changes the family tree. It’s an honor.
By the end of next year I will have 2 adult children. One just getting married and the other will have just graduated high school. I will also have a teen and a tween. It gives me a lot of different feelings to think that my child raising days are soon coming to an end. They grow up so fast it hurts, but you don’t realize it while you’re trying to get laundry done, keep them fed, and running them to all their practices, recitals and school functions.
I’m not going to tell you to “Cherish every moment while they are little because you’ll miss it when they grow up.” I always thought that phrase gave unrealistic expectations to parents of young children, because you can’t cherish every moment of life while you’re in it. Some moments you just try to make it through, and the cherishing part comes later when you can look back and appreciate the journey.
I think what people are trying to say with that well-meaning phrase, is that when it’s all over, you wish you would have had more time. If only there was more time knowing they are safe at home in their beds. More time watching the wonder of magical things shining in their eyes. More time listening to them sing their favorite nursery rhymes. More time feeling their little arms wrapped around your neck when they hug you. You just wish there was more time.
Kids are our hearts running around outside our bodies and the reasons we breathe and we don’t want to even for a second imagine ourselves without them. When we are begging for a break and we get that break, we just spend that time missing them. It’s madness and completely unexplainable.
If I could give any advice to parents of young kids, it would be, that if your kids are young, don’t feel guilty if some days you’re counting down until bedtime. It can be like that when you’re in the midst of parenting young children. So your kid just rubbed her poop on the wall while you were trying to take a 5 minute shower? Raising feral beings is freaking hard, but it’s the most worth-it thing I’ve ever done. Celebrate the milestones. Even the little ones. They slept through the night! (Heck yeah!) They went potty! (High five!) They aren’t holding their poop in, in protest! (Yeah, being a parent of younger kids involves a ton of bodily fluid, but you’ll look back at it fondly and with a lot of laughter).
To the parents of the ever-emotional tweens… I’m sorry. Just keep reminding yourself that it’s only a phase and have a glass of wine or take a moment to yourself to enjoy that piece of chocolate you’ve been saving. They are learning how to shift from children to teens. They are as confused as we are.
If your kids are teens, don’t beat yourself up over the argument you just had. They know you love them, even if they would rather cut off their right arm than to admit it. Oh and they would also rather give up their right arm than to be grounded from their phone. Fact. Don’t believe me? Try it.
Each stage has its challenges and you’re going to mess up sometimes. We all do. We all have parenting regrets. You’re not alone in that. When you mess up, tell them you messed up. Tell them you love them a million times a day. You are raising children and they are raising parents. We are all in this together. ❤️
I do encourage others who are struggling with anxiety but the truth is, it still effects me from time to time, too. It’s just how I deal with it over the last few years has changed and I wanted to share with you what I’ve learned so maybe it can help you too!
1. Name it. Say out loud “I feel anxious.” Sometimes if my anxiety is causing me to be snippy with the kids, I will say something like “I am a little anxious right now, give me just a minute to figure out what’s going on.” Even if they don’t understand “anxiety”, they will see that you’re trying to work through some feelings, which can encourage them to talk about their own big feelings instead of holding it in. 🔥Hot tip: Sometimes being snippy with the kids is how a parent first recognizes they are starting to feel anxious, so look for that cue.
2. Breathing. How important is this one, right? Seems simple enough, but if you don’t control your breathing the right way, you can actually hyperventilate (which is what I use to do). What works for me is breathing in for 5, hold for 3 and breathe out for 7, always breathe out longer than you breathe in. 🔥 Hot tip: This method also can calm an upset stomach. Works for me!
3. The two L’s! Lavender and Lemon. I keep a bag of old fashioned lemon drops (I get mine at Hobby Lobby) in my purse and also lavender essential oil. The citrusy tartness of the lemon drop and using your sense of taste is going to ground you. I learned this technique when I was in a trauma survivors group and even though I dislike citrus flavor, this worked for me. Also the lavender is a very calming smell and helps to relax you. 🔥 Hot tip: If you have an actual lemon handy, cut it open and bite into it. It helps instantly by focusing your mind on the bitterness happening in your mouth.
4. Putty. What do you need this for, right? When I was dealing with a lot of anxiety, I kept it with me and at the first sign of anxiety, I would play with it. 🔥 Hot tip: If you notice your kids presenting some anxiety, pull your putty out of your purse and they will be helping to alleviate anxiety through play.
5. Close your eyes. If you aren’t driving and have a minute to close your eyes, this helps with being overwhelmed by what’s going on around you. The visual stimuli all around us can add to the effects of an anxiety attack. 🔥 Hot tip: If you have earbuds or noise cancelling headphones where you can listen to soothing music or whatever calms you, this can help if there are a lot of sounds around contributing to your anxiety. I wear earbuds to do my grocery shopping. Helps with social anxiety!
6. Find a focus object. If you aren’t a fan of closing your eyes, instead, on one single object and list everything you notice about it. When you’re focusing on that object, use your breathing. 🔥 Hot tip: Counting the objects in a room is also very helpful.
The best way for me to explain it is that feelings of anxiety are usually coming from a place of overwhelm. A big event, trauma trigger or other things can take you to that place, so if you can focus and engage your senses as your body and mind calm down, you can better deal with what’s causing the anxiety attack.
The best part about these techniques is that once you’ve practiced them, you realize that the control you have over your emotions and anxiety is far greater than the events causing them. But hopefully you’re also in therapy working through the stuff. Especially if you find yourself struggling often.
I’m just a girl who has dealt with a lot of anxiety and has learned what works for me and hoping passing it along can help someone else!
No matter who the President ends up being, it doesn’t change who I am. It doesn’t change who you are. It doesn’t change my goals or my dreams. It doesn’t change how I choose to raise my family. It doesn’t change the fact that I love mountains and oceans and photography. It doesn’t change my kids asking for their favorite foods on their birthday or the many other traditions we carry on. No matter who is President, it doesn’t change the joy I have in my heart. After we’ve all done our duty of listening to all the issues and voting, there’s a sense of not being in control of the outcome and that is a feeling that isn’t fun for some. Everyone has been so divided and anxious lately, because we all want what is best for our country, but the tension comes from the fact that the “best” doesn’t look the same to everybody. Beyond all that, change can be harder on some people than it is on others, causing anxiety of the unknown. Try to meet political conflict with understanding. We all believe what we do, for different reasons, and it’s much more classy to respect that someone has a different opinion, than it is to name call. If you’re feeling particularly stressed right now, because of everything going on in the world around us, take a minute to think of all the things that you enjoy. Focus on all that is good. Light a candle and turn some music, pray or spend time in nature, or whatever grounds you. Have confidence in yourself in and be present in THIS day.
Please don’t feel ashamed of your body. It’s so normal to have stretch marks and scars.
Our skin protects us. It houses all the delicate and intricate workings that are on the inside of ourselves. Our skin is so necessary, so brave and so beautiful.
Your body is so amazing that it actually grows with you. We just need to extend a little grace to ourselves sometimes and to remember that our bodies have the ability to adjust to whatever we are going through. It’s a superpower. And the imperfections (even unique ones) are pretty dang awesome.
You are alive today and that means you have another day to honor and feel proud of who you are, so please don’t waste time beating yourself down. Spend that time lifting yourself up, instead.
When we stop seeing ourselves as defective, it changes our whole outlook. Give yourself permission to feel good and be proud of who you are, inside and out.
If you’re ever in doubt, I’m here to remind you how beautiful you are.
If I was still in an abusive relationship, I never would have been able to post this picture. There would have been MAJOR consequences. I was told that if I put any picture of myself on social media without him in it, that I was an attention-seeking whore. Even photos that only showed my face or just a picture of me and my children, I was told it meant that I just wanted other men to want me. He was completely obsessed and our conversations became mostly about this. I deactivated my social media accounts a lot when we were married just so I wouldn’t have to deal with it. I would announce “Tired of Facebook so I’m taking a break! ✌🏻”, but what people didn’t know is that he was driving me mad and keeping me up all night with his obsession. He would evaluate every “like” I got from every single person. He would stalk them online and would create scenarios in his head: if it was a male liking my post it must mean I’m being intimate with the guy, or if it’s a female, he said her husband probably wanted me or that they and I were in a group relationship. Complete head-spinning madness. I thought when we got married and moved into a home together, that his insecurities would lessen. I ignored the red flags. It actually got much worse. He tried making me feel bad about who I was and what I looked like to make me withdraw into myself and his plan worked for a while. Today I speak the truth about myself. In this picture I see a strong, self-aware, courageous woman. The opposite of what he wanted me to believe about myself. It took me a while to get here and it took a lot of hard work to reverse the damage my abuser left in my soul. If you’re dealing with this type of emotional abuse, I hope you know that you don’t have to live this way. Don’t believe what your abuser tells you. You’re amazing and worth being loved the right way. Peace. Love. Courage. -M October is Domestic Violence Awareness month and I will be sharing my stories and the stories of other women, throughout October, to raise awareness and help victims and survivors find their strength and their voice.
What’s that thing you want that you’re too afraid to go for?
What’s stopping you from having it?
Is it what others will think?
Is it anxiety?
Is it feeling like you’re not good enough to have what you want?
Do you feel defeated?
All the above, maybe?
Here’s the thing. Every day is going to tick by whether you go after what you want in life, or not.
There has to come a point when you care more about what you want over what others think you should have.
Career. Relationships. Self-care. Life-long dreams. No matter what it is, take at least one little step every day towards that thing. You could start with something as small as writing your goal down in a notebook to make it more real. It can be as big as letting go of toxic people who keep you from what you want.
As you process and shed your fears, you’ll start to focus on the fact that you can do and have the things you truly want, do you know what that causes? Happiness. Confidence. Self-love.
Relatively Monica 