By the end of next year I will have 2 adult children. One just getting married and the other will have just graduated high school. I will also have a teen and a tween. It gives me a lot of different feelings to think that my child raising days are soon coming to an end. They grow up so fast it hurts, but you don’t realize it while you’re trying to get laundry done, keep them fed, and running them to all their practices, recitals and school functions.
I’m not going to tell you to “Cherish every moment while they are little because you’ll miss it when they grow up.” I always thought that phrase gave unrealistic expectations to parents of young children, because you can’t cherish every moment of life while you’re in it. Some moments you just try to make it through, and the cherishing part comes later when you can look back and appreciate the journey.
I think what people are trying to say with that well-meaning phrase, is that when it’s all over, you wish you would have had more time. If only there was more time knowing they are safe at home in their beds. More time watching the wonder of magical things shining in their eyes. More time listening to them sing their favorite nursery rhymes. More time feeling their little arms wrapped around your neck when they hug you. You just wish there was more time.
Kids are our hearts running around outside our bodies and the reasons we breathe and we don’t want to even for a second imagine ourselves without them. When we are begging for a break and we get that break, we just spend that time missing them. It’s madness and completely unexplainable.
If I could give any advice to parents of young kids, it would be, that if your kids are young, don’t feel guilty if some days you’re counting down until bedtime. It can be like that when you’re in the midst of parenting young children. So your kid just rubbed her poop on the wall while you were trying to take a 5 minute shower? Raising feral beings is freaking hard, but it’s the most worth-it thing I’ve ever done. Celebrate the milestones. Even the little ones. They slept through the night! (Heck yeah!) They went potty! (High five!) They aren’t holding their poop in, in protest! (Yeah, being a parent of younger kids involves a ton of bodily fluid, but you’ll look back at it fondly and with a lot of laughter).
To the parents of the ever-emotional tweens… I’m sorry. Just keep reminding yourself that it’s only a phase and have a glass of wine or take a moment to yourself to enjoy that piece of chocolate you’ve been saving. They are learning how to shift from children to teens. They are as confused as we are.
If your kids are teens, don’t beat yourself up over the argument you just had. They know you love them, even if they would rather cut off their right arm than to admit it. Oh and they would also rather give up their right arm than to be grounded from their phone. Fact. Don’t believe me? Try it.
Each stage has its challenges and you’re going to mess up sometimes. We all do. We all have parenting regrets. You’re not alone in that. When you mess up, tell them you messed up. Tell them you love them a million times a day. You are raising children and they are raising parents. We are all in this together. ❤️
Peace. Love. Parenting.
-M
Relatively Monica 