The One About Modesty

Ladies… can anyone relate?
When I was a young girl, I was made to feel that what I wore to cover my body was a direct reflection of what “kind” of girl I was. As if others all have this rule book they pass around and refer to in order to decide what to label a woman.

I was told it was my responsibility to not dress in a way that would tempt men because men “can’t control” themselves. That as I grew into my hips and breasts it was my duty to completely hide myself…the body I was given…to protect men who were complete strangers even, from their own struggle. Like something was wrong with me.

Do you know what that kind of thought process can cause? Misplaced shame, confusion and and a dash of false responsibility with a twist of distorted self-view. Shame you carry that was never meant for you to carry leaves a lasting effect.

You have to dig deep to uncover the root of your beliefs sometimes in order to really understand who you are and to make sure your beliefs are actually your own. By the way, who you are is wonderful, beautiful and strong, in case nobody has told you today.

We, ladies, are not responsible for making everyone else comfortable at the expense of our true selves and happiness. That’s not only true in what we wear, but also in conversation, work, mom groups, you name it.

We are here to be the best version of ourselves and to stand proud of who we are, with our heads held high. If you love turtlenecks and jeans, rock it, sis. Do you love a form-fitting business suit? You do you! A bikini? I’m right here cheering you on!

We should be cheering one another on. Not shaming other women. I see you posting the “fix her crown” quote and I also hear you saying “omg, why is she dressing like a slut?”. Stop it. You don’t know how hard she worked for the confidence to wear that dress or that crop top sweater…and it’s not really our business anyway.

What I’ve learned over the years is that no matter your shape or how completely covered or uncovered you are, someone who is attracted to you is going to be, no matter your clothing choices.

Men are responsible for themselves, so don’t carry that burden. Clothing choices do not promote rape. A man with poor judgement, lack of self-control, anger issues and his own belief that he gets whatever he wants at any cost, that is the real problem.

Just an excerpt from my own experience.

Peace. Love. Self-confidence.

-M