If I was still in an abusive relationship, I never would have been able to post this picture. There would have been MAJOR consequences.
I was told that if I put any picture of myself on social media without him in it, that I was an attention-seeking whore. Even photos that only showed my face or just a picture of me and my children, I was told it meant that I just wanted other men to want me. He was completely obsessed and our conversations became mostly about this.
I deactivated my social media accounts a lot when we were married just so I wouldn’t have to deal with it. I would announce “Tired of Facebook so I’m taking a break! ✌🏻”, but what people didn’t know is that he was driving me mad and keeping me up all night with his obsession. He would evaluate every “like” I got from every single person. He would stalk them online and would create scenarios in his head: if it was a male liking my post it must mean I’m being intimate with the guy, or if it’s a female, he said her husband probably wanted me or that they and I were in a group relationship. Complete head-spinning madness.
I thought when we got married and moved into a home together, that his insecurities would lessen. I ignored the red flags. It actually got much worse. He tried making me feel bad about who I was and what I looked like to make me withdraw into myself and his plan worked for a while.
Today I speak the truth about myself. In this picture I see a strong, self-aware, courageous woman. The opposite of what he wanted me to believe about myself. It took me a while to get here and it took a lot of hard work to reverse the damage my abuser left in my soul.
If you’re dealing with this type of emotional abuse, I hope you know that you don’t have to live this way. Don’t believe what your abuser tells you. You’re amazing and worth being loved the right way.
Peace. Love. Courage.
-M
October is Domestic Violence Awareness month and I will be sharing my stories and the stories of other women, throughout October, to raise awareness and help victims and survivors find their strength and their voice.
Relatively Monica 